She always watched them from the background. All those talented mages, who knew how to cast spells without any problems. She's been part of the Circle of Magi since she was seven years old, and yet, even 10 years later, she was no better than those who had come only two years ago. It was true that there had been no magic in her family before her, but that shouldn't be an issue.
Why did she have to watch them jealously? That tiny little elf, always Irving's favourite with amazing talents in elemental and spirit magic. Anders, who always ran away and barely attended any lessons, yet he was more talented in healing than any of the apprentices. Even Jowan was better than her.
Not that she ever complained. Selnim Lonus was an elf taken from the poverty of the Alienage in Denerim. So, in almost every way, living in the Circle Tower was better for her than anything else that could have happened to her. But she was not happy. Selnim lived in fear both in the tower and back when she had been in the Alienage. While in Denerim it had been illness and hunger that could have ended her life, amongst the mages, it is the templars and demons she has to fear. Other apprentices who came with her have already passed their Harrowing or were highly praised by Enchanters. Selnim, on the other hand, was the cause of constant worry.
With her magic, she was a source of danger to the people around her. But she saw no future for herself.
Even during the night, she felt like she was losing herself.
"Why in such a hurry, dear? Go to sleep, let me build you the world of your dreams."
Sweet words tempted her through her dreams.
"I can grant you your greatest desire
She was offered all she wanted.
"With my help, you can become a powerful mage."
But she was afraid. Afraid of saying yes. Afraid of agreeing. Afraid of dying
She lived in fear.
Selnim had no friends, no loved ones.
She had no future.
But one thing she could do. And that was, to make a decision to save herself from her doom.
And so, she cut herself off from her fears
She lost her dreams
But she did not mind it anymore.
Because she had saved herself.
And she could not feel regret anymore.
Selnim Lonus was content.
Walking amongst mages and Templars without any emotions of jealousy or fear.
Walking amongst them as a Tranquil.